Home Not Home

A few days ago I returned to Michigan from Florida. This photo is of my writing room, the place I missed the most. My husband took a six week leave of absence to spend time with me in our Florida home. I called this time our “practice retirement” although he doesn’t like when I say that. I’m not sure what his problem is with my characterization of our time in Florida. He’s a mystery to me, one I was unable to solve in six short weeks.

I have been retired four blissful years. Al was supposed to retire a few years ago, when we bought a sweet little condo in St Pete, but decided not to at the last minute. Thus I spent two winters alone in St Pete, falling more and more in love with it. Al assures me he is ready to retire (for real this time) by the end of the year. One of the things we are trying to figure out as we go forward is where to live. Michigan, where we both grew up and have lived our entire lives? Where our dearest friends and much of our families live? Or Florida, where we love taking walks on the beach? I feel less anxious in Florida. Michigan winters are misery for me, with the bad weather and worse driving conditions.

After six weeks, I know what I want: to live in Florida in a larger place. One with a writing room. Al is not so sure. And that is the heart of our biggest problem as a married couple. We can’t agree on this. The plan I see rolling out so perfectly appears not to suit him. We don’t have easy agreement. This bothers him less than it does me. He seems willing to take every day as it comes. He throws out suggestions that strike terror into my heart, like the one from last night. Why not sell the Florida place and keep our Michigan home?

We’ve been married 34 years but have not spent any significant time together in at least a decade, maybe more. Al has been working every day, including weekends, and I’ve been writing books. We are each happy in our own way. Yet we both yearn for something more. I want to travel more, to see my grandchildren (and their parents!) more. I want to spend lots more time with the man I married. If we could just agree on where to spend this time.

In Florida, I missed working on my novel and he missed having a sense of purpose. He wants to find something rewarding to do with the rest of his life. I understand that, because I derive great satisfaction from writing. Still, I assured Al I was ready to stop writing novels when he retired if our new life, whatever it turns out to be, makes it difficult. I will always write. But maybe not novels. I enjoy handwriting my morning pages with my favorite pen and notebook. I still love blogging after 17 years right here. I did those things in Florida. What I found was it wasn’t enough. In six short weeks, I learned giving up writing novels will not be so easy. I missed writing my book.

One of the methods I employ when writing a novel is to not worry about what happens next. In my first draft, I don’t plot or outline. Every day, when I am in the rhythm of writing, I know what I need to write that day. By the time I’m done for the day, I have an idea of what comes next. This is how I write books; it’s much more difficult to apply this to living a life. There are no rewrites in life. No revisions. No delete key.

Maybe that’s why Al dislikes my idea of “practice retirement” ~ these past six weeks brought up more questions than answers. The future is hard to plan. Maybe it’s like writing a book. You just take it one day at a time and edit as needed.


  1. Can you keep both places and move back and forth with the seasons? My parents did that for quite a few years, between Michigan and Florida. It seems that if you get your environment set up the way you need it in FL you’d be able to continue working on your novel there, too! Good luck with whatever you decide. I do envy you being in Michigan for spring, however; that was always the very best part:)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Cindy, miss you & finally found your blog. I wished you happy birthday on fb even tho your’e not there anymore.Now I know how to find you,love you


  2. I’m with Al on the ‘see what happens’ thing! You might both change your minds once he’s stopped working – you don’t know how you’ll feel about it until the time comes. He might find it easier, or harder, than he thinks. You just don’t KNOW. I remember when my sister was debating on whether to quit work and proofread full time – she said she loved getting dressed up smartly, going into the city, and being with her work friends. I felt that, in a couple of years’ time, she’d be glad she didn’t have to do that anymore, and thought she ought to be at home, concentrating on building up her business. Guess what? I was right. She LOVES being at home all the time.

    I think when you don’t know what the decision should be, it’s best not to make it until you’re sure!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Every marriage is diffferent, some couples are never apart ( clingy needy husband?) others do separate and together things ( us ) and at the other extreme is my friend in London whose husband spent years working ( oil ) in Nigeria, only coming back for short periods, with everyone wondering if he would ever retire!


  4. Retirement is an adjustment, that’s for sure. Don says it wasn’t as “bad” as he thought it’d be. He loves the relaxed feeling of not having a deadline breathing down his neck. He works out at the Y every day, and recently joined the Rochester Historical Society. We go out for lunch or dinner any evening we want. I like having him home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it will be good for us too. There’s so much more I want to experience with him! Al said “We don’t have anything in common.” And I thought about that. He’s not a reader or writer. I have no interest in the stock market or the gym. He could care less about yoga. But then I remembered our beach walks. We had a few sunset walks. We had other sunny afternoons at the beach. We both loved that. And we both love music and movies. We love dancing. We did all that during the practice retirement. What we both want to do in real retirement is travel. ❤️


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