Partners?!

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My husband, the notorious Al, does not read my blog, so I feel free to complain about him here. He has FB spies, but they don’t read my blog, either. By the way, thank you for reading. Sharon. and John:) Possibly Micki. This morning when I woke up, it was pitch dark, and I was alone in my bed.

Since Al had gone in to work very early, I wasn’t too concerned until I tried to check the time on my clock and saw that the electricity was out. We had high winds through the night, so I got a candle and a match and went in search of a clock that ran on batteries. 6:30 am. I can handle that. Also, I have Starbucks’ canned double shot for work days so I was set for caffeine. My Kindle has a built in light. Sun would be up, soon. The world was darkly rosy.

My first priority this morning was to write, and I did that in candlelight at my battered old desk, feeling a little like someone from an earlier era. Light began to peek weakly from the dark clouds, and those clouds shot my idea to watch the sun rise. Al and I put in several calls back and forth with the no power situation. He had plans to go to the gym after working 12 hours, but said if the power was still out, he’d adjust his schedule.

Back up to yesterday. I left work knowing I had a full week to immerse myself in writing, even if the old desk and the new chair did not get along. On the way home, I stopped for groceries and found one of those Sauder desks you have to assemble yourself. It was exactly what I had been looking for since I bought the new chair that does not fit under the desk. So anyway. Al came home and didn’t want to hear about the desk. He didn’t want to hear about the problem in the laundry room or how the mirror in the closet did not allow me to see my feet.

Women understand this, how your shoes look with your outfit is of major importance. He’d hung the mirror too high for me, but it was just right for him, which meant it was just right period. Last night, it felt like he was pushing me away with both hands saying leave me the fuck alone. He muttered about having to go to bed early, needing time to himself, and so forth. Here’s what I’m thinking: what about ME?

Is it not important that I get one minute of his time to ask about a house thing, or to just talk about how our days went? Sure it would be a bonus if he put together my new desk. It would take him ten minutes. Maybe twenty. He’s very handy when he wants to be. He can fix anything. Between his cut biceps and his mechanical smarts, you would think I’d be thrilled with this guy. And I would be if he had to beat somebody up for me or at least lifted stuff around the house. Or do things that I can’t, which is almost everything except for cook, clean, shop, write, and teach. That’s pretty much my repertoire, although I do make a mean martini.

So last night, due to this mood of holding me at a distance, I didn’t dare ask for such a favor as him actually building my new desk. I was lucky he didn’t take his dinner (a nutritious, yummy, healthy meal that I shopped for and cooked, thank you) down in the basement.

So today I had to deal with no power and no clue how to turn on the generator. I was fine with that. And we were chatting back and forth, that was good. Communication is always good. I was feeling pretty good after four hours of writing and the power suddenly coming back on earlier than expected. I thought I might take a shot at putting my new little desk, very basic, very simple, together myself because I had already asked Al to skip the gym and come home to do it for me before our friends come over at 7 for a test run of our fire pit patio table and he said no.

I let it go. I am so used to him blocking me, saying no to me, not doing anything around the new house to help me because he is either working or watching sports. But I was okay. I am a strong, independent woman and this marriage would not have lasted 28 years if I was anything else. Al doesn’t do princesses. I don’t need to be pampered, I just wish he was around more. I worry about him working so much. I resent that damn gym almost as much as if lifting was his mistress.

I’m wanting to slow down and enjoy life more. He’s still in the fast lane. I took the desk pieces out of the box. The heavy box that yesterday I had put into my shopping cart, transferred to the trunk of my car, and brought into the house. All by myself! It was heavy! Does he care? No. I got a bit concerned as the pieces piled up and I saw that there were something like 68 screws. I duly got a hammer, a Phillips, and a flat screwdriver out of my toolbox. Yes, I have my own toolbox. My dad made it for me after my divorce. If my dad was here, he’d build my desk!

I sat to read through the directions on how to put this baby together. Feeling a bit trepidatory but also still willing to believe. After page three I gave up. I called Al to tell him that the desk was on the floor in pieces and I did not feel capable of making it whole and would he please come home at four o’clock and do it for me.

He said no. Of course he did. Because he is Al and his mistress, that bitch the gym, comes first. Of course being eternally optimistic (and thus so often disappointed) I still hope he’ll feel guilty for not giving me any quality time in ages and come home and get this project done. I have plans! I have a book to write! And I need my new desk. Also possibly a husband-for-hire.

 

10 Comments on “Partners?!

  1. Aw, Donna, thanks. I did not know that. I’m sure you mentioned but I forgot. I also have a few other loyal readers like my faithful Knitting Queen and my dear Aunt Louise:)

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  2. I have one of those guys around too! I hope you get your power on soon and that your desk gets put together!

    Love your blog, Cindy!

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  3. I doubt your Dad gave you that toolbox with the expectation of you handing it off to other people to use. It might be time to see how far you can get through trying something new.

    Also, darkness — it’s not just mood lighting: research has shown it improves creativity too.

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  4. Al is like so many men never any time for home things he bought you a new home lots of nice things to keep you busy and out of his hair( stove dishwasher fridge etc etc etc ) He thinks you should be happy with your old desk for awhile even if the chair won’t go under it(maybe he thought you would cut the legs down to fit and leave him alone(lol) he knows your smart and wonders why you can’t do what he does we are smart just some things are for guys and your guy is Al. Since Wally has been gone I call on my male friends to help me out I don’t get dirty looks or yelled at or put off for months on end it gets done and I go on to the next project. It’s only been a few months since you moved maybe he’s tired women are never supposed to be tired love him for who he is and drink more wine xo Aunt Wese

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  5. What a fine idea, Aunt Louise. A nice glass of Chardonnay would be perfect right about now. PS Al is putting together the writer’s table and it is awesome! Need a new post for the blog now, lol.

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  6. “Well, hunni, it’s like this…I would have cooked your dinner as it’s my job (as agreed) but I was too busy doing DIY, your job (as agreed). However, I am happy for you to make a start on your dinner…ooh and don’t worry about getting me anything I had take out earlier.”

    OR

    “Hi hunni, enjoy the gym? Oh this gorgeous young man here is Diane’s grandson. He’s going to be helping with the house maintenance whilst you are so busy. What’s that? Oh, 25. Fit looking, isn’t he?”

    Pick one…*evil cackle* ;D

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  7. Cindy girl, you have been married long enough to understand these modern males (or men as they prefer to be called). They have their “things” and you have yours. My husband never did listen to the old adage that if you buy your wife anything attached to an electric cord, you should be the one connected to the other end of same. Have been waiting to hear from you since you moved out in the middle of nowhere, since that is where I lived for over 20 years and I know exactly what you are going through. Remember I couldn’t even get a decent internet provider all that time and had to resort to a land-line that needed the number one preceding every call. It sounds as though you really are enjoying your new home and still teaching along with writing your books. I have to keep up with your latest “Sister Issues”, had not heard of that one. I still am not certain what I am doing with this Link thing, but I will learn . Keep connected. Ede

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