Picture

I’ve been staring at this picture for awhile now. It’s on my fridge, which is where I put pictures people send me in the mail. This particular photo shows six or seven women. Everyone is wearing black and I am wearing an ivory top with an overlay of floaty ruffles. It’s a beautiful piece, one of the prettiest things I own. But it makes me look like a marshmallow. At least in that picture.

I have read enough self-help books to understand that hating myself for the way I look in a picture (You should see how fat my face is! A big bloated puff ball. And my bangs, even after all my work– spray, flat iron, spray again–still ended up in the dorky curl they seem to do these days!) is just going to make me sad.

I kept that picture on my fridge for a week. Maybe two. I loved that I was surrounded by friends, and we were all celebrating. But I couldn’t get over the image of myself. I even went downstairs to the scale. Because sometimes a photo will make me start or renew a diet and fitness program. About a month ago I quit sugar and I have only had sugar once since then. No cake, no cookies, no ice cream. Okay, well, there was an ice cream incident. But only one.  

So I’m already trying, is my point in that last paragraph. No meat, no sugar, yoga, meditation. I still overeat at lunch, but yesterday I had a banana/chocolate soy protein shake and it really satisfied me. Anyway, the scale. I took it into the bathroom because it was on the carpet and everyone knows you don’t weigh yourself on carpet. The number was well past what I have ever weighed and it couldn’t be right because I would not be able to zip up my jeans if that number were correct. So I moved the scale to a more level space and the number was so low I knew it couldn’t be right because if it was my jeans would fall off. 

I need to buy a new scale and throw that picture into the trash.

5 Comments on “Picture

  1. I can totally relate. I have actually done the move the scale thing before. If I move the scale on the carpet it is a certain weight, if I move it on the tile near the door I am skinny minnie, If I take the scale out in the family room, well that is another story all together as that is accurate and more than I wish I weighed. I have been heavy all my life and finally found a way to safely take off the pounds. I say safely because I have gone through the tab diet phase in my high school years when I was slim living off of Tab, the Dr. Atkins craze where I stayed thin until I ate just one thing I was not supposed to, Weight Watchers and the you name it I have done it diet. I had sworn off all diets or years and resigned myself to be heavy until I found this chocolate diet. I actually was upset with the super skinny gal at the time who told me I could lose weight eating chocolate. Somehow my heavy body looking at her skinny minnie frame took what she said as “I am heavy because I eat chocolate”. Well, I went to prove her wrong. I googled, I searched, I did my due diligence trying to prove her wrong and saying you cannot lose weight eating chocolate. Well, that did not work. Who knew chocolate was actually good for you? Today was a good diet day. If I have my chocolate peanut butter banana shake for breakfast and lunch, eat a normal dinner, snack on my healthy chocolate when I have a craving, drink TONS of water and walk 20 minutes, I lose weight. {HOORAH!} Yes, there is work involved, but this I can do. I like not feeling like I am giving up everything. If I screw up one day and have that ice-cream, (Mine is Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia FROYO) it is okay. I start over the next day like it is no big deal and continue to lose weight. This I can do. I do have a photo of me and my hubby when we got married in the 80’s on my fridge but unfortunately it does not stop me from eating. Still heavier than most of my friends at the time but I think I looked pretty darn good. Working to get back to that size. Wish me luck!

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  2. Lynette, your positive encouragement gives me hope. I do eat dark chocolate almost every day because I know it’s good for me. I don’t binge on the dark like I can do on milk or white chocolate. I also have the protein soy shake which is chocolate. So hey, I’m sort of doing your diet already:) I heard about green coffee beans yesterday. Dr. Oz had it on his show. They are the new “miracle” diet. Like you I have been on every diet and spent periods of time where I gave up and just tried to love myself as is. I’m wishing both of us luck!

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  3. Cindy — love your new look here — nice blog. Like you, I don’t like looking at photos of myself. Whether I am critical of my body or my “aging,” I am not as kind to myself as I should be. This is common among women, of course, given that we are bombarded with messages that tell us we are not up to fashion magazine standards.

    I just started the “Crazy Sexy Diet” three weeks ago, as I wanted to detox and start a vegan diet … more for health reasons than weight loss. The byproduct of the diet is that I did start shedding pounds very quickly. No meat, no gluten, no sugar, no coffee, no animal products, period. It’s not an easy diet, and I felt sluggish for the first week. By the end of the second week, I felt lighter and better than ever before.

    That said, you are right when you said it is important to love yourself for who you are. Last month, in my column for Michigan Senior Living (Freep), I mentioned a wonderful book by Cheryl Richardson, “Extreme Self-Care.” It talks about the need to respect ourselves and care for ourselves. It made me feel so much better, and I have begun implementing many of the authors tips and suggestions, including a healthier diet. But most of the re-training has to do with setting limits and honoring our own needs.

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  4. Thanks Cindy. I do love this new wallpaper theme! I want to fix up a few things behind the scenes but I am running out of time before the conference. I’ve got a new feature in mind. Well, that’s what winter is for:) I have not heard of the crazy sexy diet. I think I could do it, with gluten being the toughest. I have done those de-tox type of diets before and they do make you feel all shiny & new. I have read Richardson’s ESC and loved it. I should read it again.

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  5. Yes, lose that photo and buy new jeans, beautiful lady. I admire your determination and self-awareness.

    I am curious about the crazy sexy diet. I recoil at giving up gluten or coffee or wine, so I am not a good candidate for anything that calls for that. But I could read about it….

    Best book I’ve read about relationship with food is “Women Food and God” by Geneen Roth.

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