Lies I Tell Myself

When I finallly got a smart phone, I found more ways to connect without dragging out the laptop. I could check FB and my email. I could read Shakespeare’s complete works waiting in a long line somewhere. 

This was all exciting and in the rush of it all I thought maybe I’d do NaNoTweMo. Turns out NaNoTweMo is a made up thing in my head where I only have to write three sentences a day for a month. But I couldn’t figure out how to make the TweMo work. Would I start at the end? Would a hash tag be required? Woud I then feelresponsible for other NaNoTweMo people? Would I have to provide them with a banner and upbeat emails? 

For about five seconds I even considered NaNoWriMo. Turns out neither the No or the Twewas an option. And still, on November 1, the official day thousands are starting their NaNo projects,  I mourn. I hate to miss it cuz I love the group writing thing. It’s just that right now, I have these edits…

Which brings me to the third lie I recently told myself. That I would have a revision done in one month. Ha. Life continues to intervene, even more than usual. My husband has been laid off work for two weeks. I couldn’t ignore him all the time!! Also I have that suddenly work-intensive job than needs attending to. And a house to clean. Meals to cook. Cat litter to refresh. Turning leaves to take note of.

And now tomorrow’s election day and one thing we like to do as a couple is vote. And then go out for brunch. And somebody at some point (read: me) needs to grocery shop. I also have an exam to write. The exam for which I read Shakespeare on my phone.

Life is busy right now. I might be able to steal an hour to revise tomorrow morning, but not the solid 6-8 hours I need to stay on schedule. However, there is no schedule, just a self-imposed deadline. I may get into trouble this way more than I think, telling myself lies like “I need to revise and send this back to the interested editor in a month or I’m doomed.” What an ego. Nobody needs my ms. in a month. The truth is I want a quick response, and the further we get into November, the less chance I have of hearing a damn thing until 2011. 

But really what’s better, a quick response or a polished, thoughtful, revision?

Yes, it would be nice to have a book contract to celebrate this holiday season. Yes, it would be nice to go into the new year with a reason besides “hanging on by my fingernails” for having given up the day job. In Detroit. Where there aren’t all that many jobs.

But I figured something out today. Living my daily life as it comes, with husband and students and friends and meaningful obligations–all that is just as important as getting a ms. to a publisher. No, that’s another lie. Spending time with the people in my life is more important. People first. Writing second.

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