Scattered Truth

I’m having one of those mornings…can’t narrow my focus enough to work on the WIP, for lots of reasons. Like: It’s snowing. We are supposed to get 10 inches by the end of the day. Feels like Christmas. Time to  to bake cookies. Also, just posted my grades. Woo hoo. Party time! Then there’s the email I got from the BBC yesterday. They want me to work for them! No, I am not kidding!! I don’t have a lot of details, but should this all work out, I would be doing something called citizen journalism.

Those are all happy reasons for the lack of focus this morning, but there’s something darker lurking in the background, too. With me, there usually is…but this is big. I am losing my enthusiasm for writing novels. Unless I get a publishing deal very soon, I don’t know if I’ll continue to spend my time that way. And if I don’t write novels, what will I write? Will I write at all?

And if I don’t write, what will become of my blog?!

For now, the way I am handling things is to be secure in the knowledge that I have my three chapters and a good outline. I can pick up the story after Christmas…or not. It’s possible this is just a phase. Maybe it’s just Christmas. Maybe I just want to make merry. But it is also possible that I am getting ready to change my life in a really big way. Dumping a dream is never easy. Not this dream, not for me. 

I know I will always write. Writing is a part of me. But what form my writing will take is a mystery to me now. One phone call could change everything, but I can’t spend my life waiting for the phone to ring. So I’m just going to follow my heart, live in the moment, and celebrate the snowy day by baking cookies.

0 Comments

  1. Cindy, no matter what you write, I think people would be disappointed if you stopped blogging here. This is writing too, and when you talk about process, it makes it so interesting for other writers too. I know I feel less along reading your brave comments on the writing life.

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  2. I’ve quit years ago because I didn’t think I had “the gift.” Now, years after, I’m trying to pick it up again kicking myself every now and then for quiting. Please don’t make the mistake I made. Keep writing.

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  3. Hi Cindy…

    Just stumbled upon your blog site and I would hate to think that I may have stumbled in a little too late if you stop writing.

    For me, a published book does not make a writer true, although it would be nice. I write simply for the love and joy of it and that is sufficiently rewarding for me…and I write with no rules:)

    Congratulations on the BBC gig!

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  4. Cindy,

    I’ve been feeling the same way about novel writing. I know Theodore Geisel got 70+ rejections before the Cat in the Hat made it but sometimes I wonder what is the point?

    Kudos on the BBC gig. That sounds interesting. The entire writing arena is undergoing a sea change. We write because we are driven to but what then? I smiled when you mentioned waiting for “the phone call.” Remember that board game Mystery Date? If feel like the only feedback
    I receive is of the Poindexter variety!

    Snowy day and cookies. Sounds good. Tonight was first night of Chanukah . My daughter and I made potato pancakes together and
    then we had company for dinner. Nine of us all together. Chased away the winter blahs to be with friends and celebrate.

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  5. Debra, I have also been reading and enjoying your book over this snowy season and now have a better sense of Jewish rituals like Chanukah. I love the ancient practices that you can trace back through your ancestors. One of my cookie recipes is from my Granny’s old country of Scotland, but that’s about as ancient as my holiday practices get;-)

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  6. Khaled and Hennie, Thanks for the positive thoughts re: writing. I am sure I will continue to write and blog in some way, just not sure what the shape of it will be. Guess I’m having my own private solstice of the soul.

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