I’m having one of those mornings…can’t narrow my focus enough to work on the WIP, for lots of reasons. Like: It’s snowing. We are supposed to get 10 inches by the end of the day. Feels like Christmas. Time to to bake cookies. Also, just posted my grades. Woo hoo. Party time! Then there’s the email I got from the BBC yesterday. They want me to work for them! No, I am not kidding!! I don’t have a lot of details, but should this all work out, I would be doing something called citizen journalism.
Those are all happy reasons for the lack of focus this morning, but there’s something darker lurking in the background, too. With me, there usually is…but this is big. I am losing my enthusiasm for writing novels. Unless I get a publishing deal very soon, I don’t know if I’ll continue to spend my time that way. And if I don’t write novels, what will I write? Will I write at all?
And if I don’t write, what will become of my blog?!
For now, the way I am handling things is to be secure in the knowledge that I have my three chapters and a good outline. I can pick up the story after Christmas…or not. It’s possible this is just a phase. Maybe it’s just Christmas. Maybe I just want to make merry. But it is also possible that I am getting ready to change my life in a really big way. Dumping a dream is never easy. Not this dream, not for me.
I know I will always write. Writing is a part of me. But what form my writing will take is a mystery to me now. One phone call could change everything, but I can’t spend my life waiting for the phone to ring. So I’m just going to follow my heart, live in the moment, and celebrate the snowy day by baking cookies.