The grass turned a deep rich green overnight here in Michigan. We’ve been having a lovely spring. Just like the grass that had stayed for months under snow and survived the heaviest winter in years, I decided something overnight that has been on my mind for many months. It’s a decision writers must make over and over again in their lives.
Where will I work? What will I do? How can I best serve my writing and my paid employment?
I have had a tough semester. Not so much because of the students or the work but just something going on in me. I couldn’t quite figure it out. It was supposed to have been the glorious semester, the triumphant semester, because I’d be using my own book in the classroom. Didn’t really work out that way, for a lot of reasons, most of which I now understand, because of the class I’m taking, not teaching.
A few things happened at the same time last night when I logged on for the webinar. First, I saw that I’d received an availability email from work for next fall. I didn’t read it, because I was heading to Eckhart’s class. But I thought about it. How many, if any, classes would I teach next fall?
I hoped session 8 of A New Earth would help me decide, show me the way to make a conscious decision, and it did. It came about by way of a discussion on something else. A woman wanted to know how she could tell if it was the right thing to leave her husband. She wanted to leave, she said, but was afraid. And that’s when Eckhart gave me the key.
Decisions made consciously, from our deepest self, are always correct, because we are in alignment with our soul’s purpose. (My words, not his.) Decisions made from the ego are fear-based. So there I had my answer. I know about soul-deep decisions. I’ve made them before. I know how they feel, how they make ME feel. Calm and confident, not scared and second-guessing myself.
So with that in mind, after class, I opened my email from work. The dean asked that we give our preferences for fall as soon as possible. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I went to bed knowing that I had until July to make a decision. I didn’t have to make it immediately.
But then I woke up and knew what I had to do. First, I wrote. As I worked on the WIP, my decision was in the back of my mind. I wanted to see if any fear would come up or if I’d stay calm and confident. I remained calm and so logged on to the availability site and chose my preference. I only had one. Creative Writing. It’s a bold move and could backfire. Plenty of other people have more seniority than I do, and if they want that class, union rules say it is theirs.
But I’m okay with that. What I’ve really decided is that it doesn’t matter where I do it, from now on I’m only teaching creative writing. And that’s it.
Cynthia Harrison 