Using Flaws

I hold a grudge forever. I didn’t always see this, but now that it’s clear, I also realize these resentments I hold in my heart cause me a considerable amount of pain. People have done some nasty shit to me, but some of the things I’m still resentful about happened a long time ago. I should let it go already.

OTOH, I do get some positive milage out of my flaws by giving them to my characters. I’m fascinated with the theme of betrayal. When I hold onto a grudge, it’s because someone I cared about and trusted betrayed me. Keeping my resentment fresh is a way for me to protect myself from further betrayal. Transferring all that to my characters gives them depth, and allows conflict to flourish.

The main character in my next book has been inching her way into my heart. With her, I’m going in a new direction. She’s the betrayer. She has to work really hard to be forgiven and redeemed. I’m going to some of my darkest places with her. Frankly, it scares me. But it excites me too. My pattern in writing has been to look at betrayal through the eyes of a victim. There’s a certain amount of power that comes with being on the flip side of victimhood. But I know from personal experience that with that power comes regret.

I’m still waiting for my own redemption. Maybe when I give it to my character at the end of her story, I’ll find my own.

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  1. Hi!
    How interesting blog! I have read many entries (I began from 2002) and I am going back soon to go on…I must admit writing is near my heart, but I do not even dare to dream about publishing…I mean officially. There has been couple of things from me in magazines…but I think I just have been lucky. And I have lost my contacts long time ago…so it was pure luck. But your blog is interesting to read. Just keep writing the blog and those other things too. Especially when you write like this “Hmm…If character A would act like this…and then character B would not know it…”, that is what pulls me like a magnet. Sound s crazy, I know…but I can not help it. Just let the keyboard sing.


  2. Cynthia — I found your site about a week ago and have masde efforts to visit everyday. I just started mt first novel and your daily entries have been really inspiring to me!


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