Don’t Want to Write?

Yesterday I woke up in a really good mood. This morning, not so much. That’s a part of life and ups and downs happen to everyone, but I have a bad habit of brooding upon my bad moods, like I should always be sunny and something’s wrong if I’m not. I overthink it: What has caused this? How can I fix it? When I realize there are no easy solutions, that I’ve tried every diet in the world and my jeans are still tight, I go into How can I find pleasure as soon as I can any way I can?

I made coffee instead of tea, did some morning pages while sipping that first cup of coffee. As usual my journal was a bitchfest. And then I just stopped. I was not into brooding. I decided to let my body lead and leave my thinking mind behind. So I watched an Oprah show I’d taped over the weekend. I never watch television in the morning. Just switching to an unfamiliar schedule turned out to be the way to turn off the me, me, me.

After that hour, without even thinking about it, I came up to my writing room and worked on WIP for an hour. Then I walked on my treadmill and did some yoga and weights.  

When I woke up today the two things I did not want to do were 1.write 2. exercise. I did them anyway. I put away my short term “don’t wanna” went on a little t.v. vacation and  then cruised on the sweetness of how having done those two things would make me feel.

A lot of the time it isn’t that I want to write. It’s that I want to have written. Always, I don’t want to exercise, and always I want to have gotten in some exercise. So that’s the key. Not what I want to do in the moment but what I want to have done by the day’s end.

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